:(
i'm very upset...
i can't think straight
it's not that i'm "tired"
BUT...
i can't can't can't can't can't accept things.
why on earth did things screw up so horribly...
really.
i can't find out why i can't do this or that
why do i have to be restricted by someone else's feelings.
WHY?!
it's like hello?
i've so many freaking things to do, just liven up my social life a bit also wrong?
sometimes i feel oh so fucking tired.

neh...
a simple motion
or decision for that matter
might cause several huge repercussions
sigh..
is it just me worrying about the consequences??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9u3c65LHIY

neh.
:D
just madly liking u.
shh, but you wouldn't know.

why was i so tired?
maybe 17 hrs of activity was too tough
maybe throwing my temper was a bad move
i've no idea
would i be more refreshed after some time?
i don't know..
suddenly, crushes doesn't seem so important
that splitting headache of mine
gives me a roaring worry

I DONT WANT TO GO SCHOOL!!!!!!
tiredness,
etc yada shit is overwhelming
i'm RELUCTANT TO GO SCHOOL!!!!

and that's not even the peak of the ice berg
=x
full dress rehearsal today
GLOOMY atmosphere
tickets by tml
WTH
how the TOOT am i supposed to complete all that TOOT

sobs...
lol
我好想自嘲

PUTT, i wanna GIVE UP
but i CANT 
DANG

nothing much to talk about here
just got to know how to play L4D
got to know a whole lot more bunch of cute people
started reading books.
erm
talking aboutbooks,
what is love, life and death?
haha
i'mma sleepy.
i like tuition jia hui coz she's smart and cute.
but more than that,
she provides me with the intellectual thinking skills
die...
how many crushes have i had this year?
1. mozzie
2. Yee ting
3. Elisa
4. Jia Hui
5. SM

these goes in no particular order though

some people are so naive
not that i wanna be critical BUT
seriously,
do you think that i can make decisions about who to come into my house now that i've shifted?
i've gotten enough from people who think things that they are not supposed to
not that i'm not guilty of it
but i'll try to change my attitude towards simin
smallest milestone that i've conquered this week
is that at least i'm not too crazily indulgent w ____
other than that i'm looking forward to a wonderful service :D
cheers

updates..
darn
i am supposed to go CDS meeting
but
lazy

these days i've been out recently and realized that wooing gals is quite hard.
hmph
shall not give up though
slow and steady wins the race i guess
thinking back,
maybe i went overboard when i attempted to kiss you... on the cheek
haha

5 days... dang.
failure to update my journal has been my greatest weakness..
right now.
i'm stuck in huat's room coz he's asleep and it ain't polite to wake a sleeping bear.
secondly, the reason i'm in huat's room coz i'm using his internet.
have completed my brochure
but really...
i'm sleepy and idk if there's a need to sneak back home anot

tml's camp alr. and physics. and i've not done physics yet! rawr

oops... i realized that in my previous previous post,
apparently i said i'd consult xiaoxin about something
which i forgot about wad.
hmph.
no fair.
memory failing.

no matter though.
moi is tired.
but moi has teacher consultation tomorrow
:(
moi sad.
dun wanna see lai lai
moi talking baby english T^T

wahahaha
moi looks forward to having a great event
moi likes having friends with GRRREAT connections!
they rock :)
wahahaha
moi hopes and moi shall pray for the event to go sucessfully
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

BLEAH.
shall get back to reading moi lit text now...
SIGH.

something...  brought me closer to u
something... that made me smile
it's like
i look at you
and think about how cute u are
about the same watch that we're wearing
just like a couple...
about the little things
ahhh...
i can't wait to see u ..
again..

morning.
feels like crap.
or maybe crab
it's yet again another time where i go about trying to establish my stand on earth.
BLEAH
i don't want to.
but then, evangelism is a life style.
and i wanna care for people.
love them more than i should.
care for them
be their friend.
but.
once again.
that's not my style.
neither is that my cup of tea.
it ain't my fault that i start liking certain people.
so?
i need my source of stress relievers u know?
why do i feel like u think i'm "betraying" u?
i don't cross lines.
i don't want to.
i have not.
just because i allowed u to cross once or twice
doesn't mean that you "own" me
i'm not ur possession.
i've said before.
i admire people who are cute, good looking and most importantly , respect themselves.
big deal if its a boy or girl

i thought you were my friend
i thought that confiding in u seems to be a better choice.
but i was wrong
and i do make wrong decisions .
most of the time
and i will not make it again
====================================================================================
back to the previous post where i went to the seaside
yes
someone was right
that's my special place
i intended to bring the CG there someday
it's a nice place to be.
if u can ignore the ullooo ness
i guess, i'm happy
considerably
that i might be able to meet xiao xin today
might
as again
is emphasized
coz.
coz.
probability
is low.
contemplates giving up another matter
does it seems feasible and the right decision?
i shall consult Xiao Xin later

在莫种程度上，
我好像被你吸引住了。。。
但愿你不怪我吧。。。
我明知你比我大，
明知你比我聪明
但为何偏偏是你陪我到海边呢？
你是否知道我。。。
对海是。。。
义无反顾地喜爱
热爱
它那清爽，抒情的气氛
是我多么渴望逗留的
若非偏僻，
我早已天天到海边去了
我看到你
就觉得你特别可爱
这是爱？
还是喜欢？
这是啥？

T.I.R.E.D
does this word express anything?
1 hr of sleep only =x=x
darned it

Regrets

Yeong Cheau Fei Tan Si Min Jane: HEY DEAR GIRL!!!!
it's before 12am.
so let me wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN!!!!! :D
prop dept really had so much fun with you around..
always so cheerful, jumping around,
♥ YOU laa.
stay the way you are, &SHINEE! (:
hope you enjoyed yourself, be happy and healthy and pretty always (:
im very happy that we are friend!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥

Priscilla Tan Tan Si Min Jane: heys couzzie!! :) Happy Birthday!! :) hope you've had a splendid day celebrating! :) and you're doing well!! :) take care lots! :) God bless! :) and may you always find Him faithful! :)

Goh Jia Jie happie bthday

Ida Lim Happy Birthday Girl:) all the best for the stuff that you do:)

Alicia Toh Happy Birthday =)

Yujie Chen happy happy happy birthday!!!

Marcus Goh Happy Birthday!!!!!!!

Adeline Loh JANE JANE!!! Happy happy birthday!!!!!

Joey Ong yoz!!gal! Happy Birthday to u! continue to shine for Him!May ur dreams come true! enjoy n hv great fun! be cheerful always o!!!miss ya...love ya..:) take care!

Raudhah Yahya Happy Birthday Jane :)

Syahirah Fazli at 11:07am May 14

P.s. it's a quiet birthday

to have someone who is the same as you
that's such a luxury
pity i don't ve such a friend.

called fill in the blanks today
and immediately didn't know what to say...
omg
so embarassing!
then i could feel myself blushing
"so .. hot, it's suddenly very warm here"
--------------------------------------------------------
erm this kinda happened last monday i think

no one is ever anywhere.
true don't ya thinkn so?
how close/ near can u really be when a person really needs u?
how would u know?
nope.
u can't know.
went out today after cg with my parents
kind of slacked.
ate @ golden miles
cam back home eat cake
tml going out to meet gpp group
i sense sangeeta is up to smthing

do pardon me for my outburst of rage & emo-ness
i've my crazy moments
still even crazier now.
i'm thinking ..
how can u call a person a good friend when you hardly contact them 2 x a month?
hmmmm
same applies for me
how can u call a person a gd friend when you hardly understand them?
hmmmm
intrigueing
call you tell you  my problems?
can i really do that?
i'm not the person who will call only to complain
i'm not one who will complain when i'm angry ( unless u're around me)  or sad
coz they are all passing emotions
but emo-ness emptiness
such things which have no explanations
how do you want me to call and tell u?
U TELL ME

in ZL's house now.
i'm amazed i didn't try to pon
**and to think that the universe could not withhold ur glory.
you choose to live in me!**
ponders.

actually i was contemplating wth am i doing alive.
it was fun to toy about w death.
finally understands what Bri feels
19 hrs w/o food today.
was fun.
having bloodshot eyes too
was fun.
wasting my life away
again.
was fun.
not contemplating suicide.
though
coz that ain't fun.
i never allow the empty feeling to rule my attitude during conversation
so they will never know
and that is fun.
ms ho was right...
i'm attention seeking.
and right now.
i just wanna ve someone round me
one that i'll be able to trust
relax
and just sleep next to
one that i can hold hands with
without feeling weird
one that i can hug in the dark
as close as possible so i feel her warmth
but that's just my fantasy
at the end of the day
when i open my eyes
to see reality
all i get
is expectations of me
and how people think i should deal with my life.
so what if i wanna have a gf
so what if it's sodomy
what's the use of having friends
when they put ideals on me
what i should do, should be busy doing, should be smart in etc.
whether i'm busy or not
strangely,
i feel like crying
dying
giving up
the struggle is too far, too long.
and i wonder
who will accompany me along this road
and who will be waiting for me at the end of it

no one.
when i want to have a normal chat
i look to my phone
and think of who to call

no one
blank
nahdah
and zero
hahaha
ironic ain't it.